Fix your marriage Blog

So called “alternatives to marriage counseling”

It’s a big thing now in the relationship marketing world to offer what marketers call “alternatives to marriage counseling.”

—by the way there is a big field of “gurus” telling marketers they don’t need to be an expert or have any experience at all or even know what they are doing or even have any proof, just teaching them how to market hard to people with troubles—

Anyway I got off on a rant, but it is something I think you should know.

So about this “alternative to marriage counseling” line of marketing:

It goes like this: “marriage counseling is no good, here’s a statistic that shows how bad it is and here are my stellar marriage help results.”

(By the way it’s dumb to say “marriage counseling” doesn’t work. It works great for some people and not so great for others. My wife likes sweet potatoes and I hate them. I like sauerkraut and she hates it.)

The irony is it’s all marriage counseling.

It’s all advice of one form or another to help you with your marriage.

Of course there are different variations, but they are all trying to help you with your marriage.

That’s why it’s called marriage counseling.

Does X marriage counseling work and Y marriage counseling doesn’t work?

Who knows?

Thing is individual results vary just like people vary.

How do you choose?

It isn’t easy because, again, individual results vary just like people vary.

Some people like to go to live counseling.

Some like to read something.

Some like to watch videos.

Some like exact steps to defined goals.

Some like to just feel better every day.

Some like a spiritual or Biblical perspective and guidance.

You might think and talk with one another about what seems best for your personalities and habits.

Another is to choose to work with someone you like and trust.

If there’s something about the person you don’t like or trust, run.

If you don’t like or trust what I’m saying, I suggest you unsubscribe.

I sure as heck don’t want to keep driving in a way you don’t like.

But if you do like what I’m saying, let’s keep this going.

I will be here.

But whatever kind of “counseling” you get, I wish you the best of luck getting the outcomes you hope for, whatever those happen to be.

Stay tuned and take care,
Dr. Max

Marriage Survival

Our friend Tom is a true mountain man.

He once lived in the wilderness with a bow and arrows, a tent, a sleeping bag and the clothes on his back for 3 months.

He knows a ton about survival.

Except when it came to his marriage and his kids.

He said he wanted his marriage to be healed, but he really didn’t show up for it.

Even when he was at home he wasn’t really there, he was planning his next adventure.

But the truth is, he didn’t really want to be married.

Now that he is divorced he is much happier, his ex-wife is happier and his kids are happier.

They have the very best “Disney Daddy” in the whole world.

Are you judging Tom?

He failed his marriage, didn’t he?

Think about that one.

Now his ex-wife Sheila always loved and still loves Tom.

But she couldn’t live with him the way he is.

When she finally realized that she stopped feeling bad about her marriage ending.

She re-married.

She’s married to Jim who has a son of his own.

Jim loves being married.

He is devoted to Sheila and they do everything together.

They load 4 kids, dogs and even a cat into the car and go to the lake for a picnic.

Jim and Sheila are wired for marriage and they know how to do it right.

When I’m around them I almost take notes because they have a way of listening, relating, taking everyone into account in a way that is loving, but still very strong.

It’s very relaxed and natural. Who says having a great marriage takes hard work? Don’t believe it, it isn’t that hard!

Blah blah blah blah blah! Blah

That’s what you hear when your partner’s talking and you don’t want to hear what they are saying.

That’s what your partner hears when they don’t want to hear what you are saying.

You may think you’re communicating but you’re just making human noises.

Communicating involves something more than making human noises.

It requires willingness and openness to hear what your partner is saying, even criticisms.

You turned off your ears and your partner did too because you’re each waiting to get in your points and not even for a minute listening to what the other one is saying.

You think you’re a good listener and it’s your partner who is a bad listener.  That’s fiddle faddle.  You’re not.

Listening when the other is saying something you don’t want to hear is an acquired skill. Anybody can listen to what they want to hear.

Going forward I will teach you how to listen differently.

It takes a little while to learn.

This is the first step.

I’ll be giving you more when you sign up to the right ===>

You are

In my profession you have to go to continuing education classes to keep your license

I went to one yesterday.  It was about couples counseling.

I  have to admit I left a bit frustrated.  I didn’t make a scene  🙂

Even with all we know about people and about men and women and how people learn and develop there are still some people that think marriage problems can be solved with techniques, exercises, routines.  XYZ do this do that, tell your partner 5 things you love about her every day for 3 months, blah blah blah.

Come on.

If that were true, any kind of clown or even a robot could help married people fix their marriage.

What I do is show you some ways of thinking, handling yourself, dealing with marriage stress.  Then you take it from there.

There was an old piano in my grandmother’s farmhouse.  She used to play it a lot and sing.

One day  when I was around 5 years old I said how do you play that thing?

She showed me how to do Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.  I screwed up a couple times and she corrected me.

It kind of blew my mind because I knew that once I could play that I could probably play other things.

That’s kinda what we’re doing here.

I show you how to play something and then if you like you can do it that way or any way you want.

Play is the main thing.  Marriage is not hard work like they say, unless you make it hard work.  You can if you want to but why stress out?

Stay tuned and take care,

Dr. Max

A free course coming within this blog

Beginning very soon I will offer a free fix your marriage course here.

There will be a “regular” course, and a “secret” one offered for only my subscribers. Go ahead and sign up at the box here ==> or at the bottom of this page.

Take Care,

Dr. Max


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